All The Drama That I Crave

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 11:37:31 +0200

So this is my first posting. I suppose I should say something deep and meaningful but alas I am hungover. That seems to be the typical horror I awake to each morning. The realization that I perhaps drank a little too much the night before. You see I am a teacher. And, if any of you know anything about the teaching profession- it comes with a certain amount of stress. How does one vanquish this stress? Alcohol is a ready option- as is any number of class A drugs- but they have an infinitely longer period of misery than alcohol. It is not like I even plan to get paralytic. It just happens. I know this sounds mighty sketchy but whatever. I am typing through the early morning realization of shameful behaviour. Before anyone thinks I may be an alcoholic. I am not. I am a drunk. A pretty funny drunk at that. I never get moody or angry- just smiley and stumbley. And in no way do I want to quit. Hence, a drunk and not an alcoholic. I do not see it as a problem- just a morning after burden. God, I sound really bad- no offense to those who are seriously battling through alcoholism and all- I know it is a horrible thing to go through. I am just making light of my situation. I have a much bigger problem with drugs. No I don't. Yes I do.

It is not like I feel I need to justify my 'dirty, dark, socially unacceptable behaviour'- I just feel as though there is nothing to hide. Obviously I wouldn't broadcast it at Parents Night at my school or during a staff meeting- but I am not ashamed. I don't even mind the hangovers.

I moved to London three and a half years ago from a small, nothing town in Canada and hit the gay scene MASSIVELY. I have never looked back. I love it here. Any type of music, drug, man and all at anytime of the day. Brilliant. But with the scene brings baggage- all sorts of habits pop up (I say habits- some would say addiction- once again I am not addicted to drugs. I should know I have been doing them for years. Tee Hee. Making light of my situation. Calm down rehab fans).

So now I have broadcasted five of my 'dark shames'. I am a drunk. I enjoy the drugs. I am a total homo. I am a teacher ('Shock! Horror! He is supposed to be caring for our youth!'- believe me, if you taught in Hackney you'd need a pint and a line at the end of the day too). And my biggest, darkest shame- I am a Canadian. Sorry.

x ryan

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Pharmacudical Life

All The Drama That I Crave